Knowing That You Are Capable – An Introduction
How do you know that you are capable? How do you know that you are able to stand out from the rest of the pack whilst also holding the responsibility of being a loner in your life who socializes with others for a purpose.
It is perhaps pertinent and important to understand that I found out how personally capable I could be when I was socially ostracized as a child. As a child I was in a private Christian school (I have a strong disdain for all religious hierarchies, but not religious practices) and I found that my lifestyle and personal development was hampered by an incessant and very backward 1930’s to 1940’s conservative, white, catholic culture.
Contrast this with the rest of the people who were around me in my small world who were working in the postmodernism of the late 1990’s and who were semi-sophisticated at that time with 56k dial up internet. It was weird to be in a constant time machine which at least every day would take me into 5 different time zones while I was living in my hometown of Newcastle, NSW Australia. Indeed this town was stuck in the 1940’s school yard with morning school role call and yet the surrounding creole and pigin of the 1990’s Australian MTV slang was prominent.
In this MTV 1940’s hybrid, I was the alternate guy. The underdog… I have always been the alternate guy and the underdog – This is why I got into self-development and entrepreneurialism. This entrepreneurial spirit got me fascinated with everything and anything which was alternate to the 1940’s catholic paradigm I found myself within. SO as the alternate guy, I became fascinated with William Gibson and proto-Transhumanist ideals. The types of ideals which I have later learned to reject in my adulthood as a form of conservative technocracy.
This technocratic spirit moved me into the study of Magick and Gnosticism. Specifically the study of Eastern Religions and alternative religious practices as talked about by the Vedic cultures and the Rig Veda. I was, cast aside because of my increasing interests in alternate culture to the school library. I began to play up in class so that I could spend more and more time in this library to the point where I was socially dysfunctional around other students and close to expulsion – But I knew that I was capable.
Everyone in their right mind, the teachers and other students included would have thought that my parents would have found out by having myself tell on them and have me be removed. But this never happened, it was not to be so. Indeed my teachers and school at the time were waiting for me to dob them in for their deliberate attempts at social quarantine because of my disruptive yet highly intellectual mind. Instead I was able to use my reason. I reasoned as a child that I could start to evolve very quickly as a boy if I continued to spend time outside of class and the student-school body, instead focusing on my own private studies. This also worked well for my rebellious spirit who desired for me to be out of the clutches of the conservative church and similar establishment which dominated the school body.
Effectively, I learned to become capable… Really fast!
Perhaps the odd price was that my parents were paying for my education – My private education in the school library and I rightfully in my naive childhood and manipulative mind took advantage of this! What I would later learn and embrace in my young adulthood was that sometimes in order to get ahead, you have to keep your mouth shut and in doing so – You get to learn some of the more profound secrets of this universe.
Alas, I eventually became so estranged and so mentally sharp to the point of intellectual violence that I was expelled from this Christian school as a young teenager. This forced me into the public school system. This was because I had become arrogant and had learned how to puncture holes in the arguments presented to me by the dark satanic Christian church. So I was placed into the public education system. This was not easy for me and I make this transition as a comparison where someone who had been home-schooled for their entire juvenile life had found themselves out on the street having to learn how to fend for themselves.
Defending for myself in this manner was hard for me, because I was self-taught and I had to put up with the backward, almost senile stupidity presented to me at the time in reference to pedagogic training. Pedagogy or teaching is from a teacher/master to their student/slave. I was not used to this lower level type of schooling and I struggled to be around other people who I found irritating. What I wanted to do was to go back to my studies and read more about my passion at the time which was physics and which involved Tesla, electrogravitics, electrodynamics and most of all I wanted to explore who I was in this seemingly physical universe.
Over the years, I would like to stress to the reader as time goes by and on wards – That I have been impressed upon by forces both spiritual and mundane who have both sought to steer my understandings of law, human law and divine law into many different directions. I was then and are now trapped in a state of intense fascination with everything that I encounter around me in an almost ecclesiastical manner. The more I studied by myself and became more and more self-reliant and self capable… The more my school grades plummeted.
In public schooling I was expected to memorize math and circumstances for solids which I had cracked years before studying Cabala and Platonic shapes. Yet I was struggling at the shell math or the reductionist math taught in state funded schooling, teaching you really the method without the deeper understanding. This was and remains to me an incredibly aberrant way to teach math.
I did best in computer studies because at least I could do the work super quick there (the whole three hour class in 10 minutes) and at the time I used the internet to download 200-300 webpages which I would read for the week. Unfortunately in my teenage years where I was able to undertake a thorough study of metaphysics, one of my family members became concerned for me and felt that my mental health was suffering and in order to “fix me” decided that my last saving grace for the advancement of my personal research – The internet, needed to be taken away from me.
My life moved on, I bought myself a library of 5000 books and kept reading and have never stopped. In my adult years I worked a series of jobs which were non-fulfilling to me and later in my early 20’s I got access to the internet again and rapidly focused on my intellectual development which has led me to where I am, writing this blog here today. Some my say that my story is tragic.
I don’t think so. I think it is refreshing to have fought and won many hard battles compared to others that I see around me. Indeed, while I have had to travel, grow, learn and relearn some of the lost material which I had acquired over the years – I have understood that the most important skills I have ever learned in life are the ones that exemplify that you are a capable human being.
This is why my emotional, financial, social and spiritual developments over the years have been that much more important to me than just purely an intellectual understanding that gets me ready to work a job in society. This is also why I have decided to write a series of articles on why you are capable and what you can do to enhance your self-capabilities.
The plan for the next few blog articles on capabilities, thus are:
1. Leaning about modelling.
2. Learning to walk away from past limiting beliefs.
3. Knowing when to jump ship and move on.
4. Understanding Guilt.
5. Controlling and expressing your anger.
6. Embracing change in your life.
7. Demonstrating that you are a person of quality.
Until next time,
Count. Daniel John Fogarty @ reallifedevelopment.me on Monday the 7th of April 2014.