Knowing That You Are Capable Part 6 – Demonstrating That You Are A Person of Quality!

In life we have expectations about how things should be, how they are and how they should operate. To operate in life mean to take control of your life circumstances and embrace who you were born to be, to embrace your destiny and become more than you think you are. I have come from nothing – I will too go to nothing – Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Yet I have a passion and have had a passion to change my life time and time again. Each time that I have changed, I have almost gone through an alchemical process which has burned the person away that I was and created a new personality in the process.

Stead fast as I have been I have had to learn about alchemical principles and how they relate to the human personality. The term Solve et coagula comes to my mind here and this is the term used in Latin-alchemy to describe the separation of parts of the philosophers stone or human life force, chi and substance in order to refine and further refine it. Like in alchemy, each and every time that I have hard to refine my life, I have had to become a person of quality. But what does it mean to be a person of quality? I have five main principles in this article that for me, define a person of quality.

The first is to understand yourself and others and how to act appropriately around them. Understanding the process of how to act appropriately around others first came to me when I was undertaking my degree in psychology. When studying this degree, I had to learn how to become an ethical person – The type of person who would respect others in my relationship to them as human beings.

Being ethical means knowing when to act and meet peoples emotional needs. For instance making sure that people feel safe, knowing how to protect their secrets and he long them feel that you will tell them the truth. Unfortunately however I discovered this process in my life a little too late and this cost me. Few relationships and friendships. But I learned!

I learned and I started to understand others through my mistakes and this understanding of my mistakes and how to better treat others led me to become a person of quality.

When you learn you become a person of quality.

I learned that in order to improve the circumstances of your life – you must at first make mistakes and learn from these mistakes. No one ever succeeds or has any personal success in life until they learn from their mistakes and either attempt to fix the mistakes that they have made – and to also learn from them. At that point you achieve understanding.

When you understand you become a person of quality.

When you understand yourself and others and how each of us are prone to making mistakes then you start to become a person of quality because you begin to understand that you yourself and other human beings are fallible.

Each of us is fallible. We make mistakes… But our mistakes are our gifts, they give us an opportunity to learn and to strive for something higher. I understand now that it is not the results of what we want – rather the striving towards what we want and then achieving it which is more important. Having an understanding of our circumstances makes us who we are, it makes us more pure in our intent and helps us to keep secrets which others invest in us a a form of trust.

When you know secrets and are able to keep them – you become a person of quality.

People over the years have told me many secrets in their lives. On their journey to self discovery and on their journey to becoming a person of quality and of value they have had to tell me secrets. I have done the same. These secrets were given to me out of trust and it is this trust which I cherish.

To have someone trust you with their heart and their soul. To have them show you how vulnerable a human being can be and to protect and cradle this vulnerability perhaps is one of the most special things I have had to aspire towards in my life. I learned that when people told me secrets and that I could keep these secrets that I became a person of value and that this person of value knew that sometimes while secrets can be kept – sometimes the demands of these secrets have forced me to let people go.

When you learn to let things go – you become a person on quality.

Some people have to be let go of and some people have to let go of you. If the duality and nuances of life are to be understood, then they must be understood in the processes of meeting people at the right time and knowing when to let go of them at the right time.

Sometimes however, there is never a right time to let certain people go – it must be done. It is perhaps sometimes the people with whom you love so much that need to be let go of the hardest, because of all the value they have provided but now due to circumstances in life must be let go of. Sometimes when people let go of us, they do so because they don’t want to hold us back and because they love us. These people are special people and sometimes we will never know their true intents until we develop the life strategies to heal.

When you develop life strategies to heal – you become a person of quality.

Life strategies are what define value. Value which can be expressed in money, resources, acquisition, survival, knowledge and games.  Each of these life strategies provide value and they provide quality both to ourselves and other more social members of our human species. The latter of these in particular knowledge and games provide us a certain amount of time to heal and change the course of our lives so that we can become better people.

Knowledge of how to heal yourself and others, not just in the psychological and biomedical sciences – Means that each of us, perhaps through a social understanding of ourselves and one another can and often does lead to healing. Knowledge of class, caste, race, ethnicity, time and generation can help us understand where we are lacking in our lives and thus begin to heal.

Games allow us to socially interact with one another and form strategies be they social-sexual, logical-dexterous or similar so that we can play games which allow the more robust and better calibrated qualities to come out in each of us. Healing can only come about when we decide to change games which have not been serving us or others such as war, aggression or abuse. When we understand that certain games have not been helping us or one another we can change these negative games to service, love and compassion.

These latter qualities make us more qualified to distribute value to others and thus help them heal. The wounded then becomes the healer and all things healthy and good then follow.

This is why I think each of us need to have a Real Life Development.

Count. Daniel John Fogarty @ reallifedevelopment.me on Saturday the 3rd of May 2014.

Knowing That You Are Capable Part 5 – Understanding the Child Within You!

 

What does it mean to understand the child within you?

What does it mean when as an adult, you need to go back and revisit your childhood?

Why do each of us need to work with the inner child within us?

I’ve had to do a lot of self development in my life – Because my God I’ve needed it! I didn’t start off in the most emotionally abundant of homes. Sure I had two parents who could provide love for me and were financially sound. Yet they also went through a divorce, a breaking of the tides which many of us can relate to and is something which I have had to reflect more on and about as an adult.

As an adult I have had to learn that no one is perfect… Everybody in a family unit, regardless if they stay together or if they break up, have to eventually understand that who their other family members were. We each have to understand who our parents are/were, who their children are/were (including us) and thus as their children who we have also become as adults. Understanding the adult who I have become, has for me in my 20’s demonstrated to me that I have needed to understand who and what my own inner child actually is.

Who is your inner child?

I often find that it is very healing and very nurturing to visit the inner child within you and have an important self conversation. Self conversations or self-talk, helps us to organise and put into perspective the important concepts of our inner worlds. Our inner worlds are very brilliant, vibrant, crisp and organic. They belong to our own self identity and personal tradition. A tradition which can be holistic and working together in a fully integrated personality or can be split into unique pieces. These pieces may not, necessarily be broken but they may by their very split nature be causing each of us in our own inner world of personally and psychology to work in a less than efficient manner. Sometimes this lack of efficiency can put stress on our organism and cause us to operate less than functionally.

Operating in a less than functional manner causes stress to our organism and it is these pieces of our organism which work against one another, that we often ascribe social and Personalty roles too. These social and Personality roles are known as parts and parts integration in NLP. It is the process of those who study hypnosis and/or parts integration to bring the pieces of our organism back together in order to function in a more cohesive manner.

Being cohesive with parts integration.

Being cohesive with parts integration means that you learn to talk to different parts of yourself, in this case the inner child and have these parts communicate with one another in a conversation such as the parent or adult part of your personality. When the time is right, after a conversation has occurred between these different parts they are able to come together and integrate/reintegrate themselves into your larger personality. This thus makes your organism and your personality thus more organically cohesive.

I did a parts integration in my graduate practitioner course with NLP trainers Jules and Chris Collingwood and I am proud to say that this is a profoundly trance like experience and state of incredible metaphor and allegory. After doing a few different types of parts integration’s my whole Personalty changed, became more robust and acute. Of course this could be all auto suggestion, which in itself is a form of hypnotic art. Nonetheless I worked diligently to integrate my inner child into my adult Personalty so that I could have a more robust sense of the world around me.

Being robust in a difficult world.

Getting my adult personality to be more robust has shown me that I have had to work on my inner child and working on my inner child with parts integration has been hard to say the least. Working on my inner child was hard because I had to understand that what happens to you in life for better or for worse is never easy.

There are parts of ourselves which, from childhood are still hurting and in need of dire healing. My relationship mentor has told me in one of our coaching sessions that one of the hardest things a parent has to face with their children is the reflection of a second childhood. Children, our current, past and potential children cause each of us to go into a second childhood, a second reflection which as an adult can and often does make a lasting impact on our psychologies.

Being an adult, means for me the opportunity to self-actualize and take self-responsibility to what has happened to each of us. Understanding, embracing this understanding means that we are offered the opportunity to heal ourselves, our own inner child and integrate this inner child as a part into our much larger, more matured personality.

To understand is to acknowledge the child within you.

As adults, as parents and as children with ageing parents it is important to understand that the inner child in us needs to be acknowledged. Acknowledgement can only come from an understanding of who we are now and as we look back – to have a much better and sobering look at the world around us.

I have found that most people are kind and I have also found that this kindness has come from a kind of pain or trauma which has influenced us to heal and become better men and women. Caroline Myss calls this the process of becoming a wounded healer and I couldn’t agree more. 

Working on our inner child means that we need to become healers. Not just for others, but for ourselves. Numerous psycho-therapeutic models also discuss this as a key point to their methodology of emotional, spiritual, social and psychological healing. Regardless of the system of self-analysis and psychotherapy be it Freudian, Adlerian, Jungian, Reichian, the later self-actualization of Maslow and/or ken Wilbur it is key that we understand our inner child’s pain and heal.

I have been lucky to heal and to keep working on my very human psychological, emotional and social faults. Because of this I have grown and I have turned my weaknesses into my strengths. But I could not have done this without working on my inner child and having my inner child have an understanding and awareness of acceptance.

Acceptance for me is important because accepting who we are on all levels means that we can start to move more towards the mastery of ourselves and our lives. I believe that if more people accepted themselves and their inner children – That the world would be a very different place.

Until next time,

Count. Daniel John Fogarty @ reallifedevelopment.me on Wednesday the 30th of April 2014.

Knowing That You Are Capable Part 4 – Controlling and Expressing our Anger.

I have anger management issues, you have anger management issues. We all feel and know that deep inside of us, at many different times in our lives – We have suffered from, enacted and repressed our anger.

Let me give you a personal example!

A few weeks ago I went out to have a few drinks with a few of my younger friends who, had what society would class anger management issues. He was frustrated with his life and had and has had big dreams for himself and he felt that some of his peers around him were letting him down. Being let down is a cause for much anger, especially for those of us who want to dream.

When I listened to my friend talk and tell me of how he felt, he went from being angry to rather sad. After much conversation I realized that anger, particularly in young men is a normal reaction to being held back from what it is that we want. We want to be capable young men who are achieving something for ourselves and putting a title of success next to our name, whilst building up important social circles and relationships around each of us.

But how we expect any of this to happen when we feel that we are being repressed and attacked by a society who fails to understand and better yet know who we really are? After talking with them some more, I told two individuals in particular that as men and as they age – That they would find their anger fade away and if appropriately focused would replace what they feel about the world around them with passion.

This passion comes from feeling both angry but also allowing each of us, especially as men to feel love combine with our anger and transform its destructive outcome to a more constructive one. This new emotion of passion would, I told them help them to drive them to do great things in the world around them. An audio mentor once said this to me and I remember some of his most important words.

Audio mentors!

A few years ago when I was in my early 20’s I started to listen to a Radio Show called Red Ice Radio. It was hosted by a man from Sweden called Henrik Palmgren. One of the popular guests on this radio show especially in the late 2000’s and into the early 2010’s was a man called Michael Tsarion. It was Tsarion who really started to connect all the dots for me and in one of his interviews in the late 2000’s he stated that our anger, especially as anger felt by a man – comes from the anger of our ancestors who having helped us to get to this vital point in human history, feel betrayed that we are not pushing forward in our collective evolution to obtain something greater than what they could have ever dreamed – Knowing the true capabilities of the human spirit.

This anger, the anger of our ancestors which many of us feel is because they through us feel betrayed by each of us giving up and resigning to the monotony of our jobs and having a lack of vision for what it is that each of us truly want for ourselves in our own personal and future children’s destinies.

It is my personal belief that each of us have a destiny and I wrote about this in my book Thoughts Distinctions and Certainties from the year 2012… Even then I could understand that each of us feel angry and that sometimes we need to understand how to best express this anger. I have had to personally go through a great catharsis over the last two years of my life in order to work out who I am as an adult and where I fall with my human adult relationships in society.

This has not been easy for me and at times I have had to let other people in my life down, other times they have let me down – And each time I have felt angry… It wasn’t the act of them letting me down however which hurt me the most, it was rather that I could not come to terms with my anger and or passion when I dealt with others which let me down.

I have had to learn the price for anger!

I have learned the hard way that the price for my anger was wisdom. I have also learned to use and work with my anger in order to slow down and solve some of the more obviously disturbing problems I have had between myself and other people. Solving some o the problems I have had with others has helped me to ease my anger somewhat, but still it remains hidden inside of me at times and comes out to torment me when I am not on top of who I am and managing my emotions as a man. Managing my emotions as a man means that I need to understand the circumstances of my life, what I have done to generate them and how I can at any time which my circumstances become undesirable – Change them.

I am in control of my life, being in control of my life lessens the grip of my anger as a man.

I am in control of my life, being in control of my life lessens the grip of my anger as a man. By dealing with my anger and the anger which is experienced by others is not easy, its hard! Yet it is this very same anger which gets us moving, can help us to become stronger and can give us something which each of us can work for – If it is only channeled into a situation at the most appropriate and carefully crafted time.

Such a channel of anger is discussed in the 2002 film remake of The Count of Monte Cristo. This movie is one off my favorite movies of all time and in this movie there is a scene with James Caviezel who plays the main male lead Edmond Dantes and Dagmara Dominczyk who plays the main female lead Mercedes. This particular scene is where the two characters are arguing about their now embittered past. Dantes has spent over a decade or more in prison and Mercedes has had to marry another man (complicated plot) in order to bear herself and another main male lead character a child. When the two argue and Mercedes confronts Dantes, he says to her “Don’t take away my anger… Don’t take away the only thing I have left after everything else has been taken away from me”.

This line struck me as important – Because it was directly addressing my ability to feel my own anger!

Many of us are living on anger.

I think this above scene with the two characters of Edmond and Mercedes was important, especially when they argue . The statement made by Edmond Dantes is important in that it describes how important it is for us to appropriately control and express our anger. This scene taught me that many of us are just living in order to be angry and are living on anger solely alone. In living on our anger, on living for moments where we can express moments of emotional outbursts – We are truly not living at all.

Many of us are living on anger and it is this anger which is perhaps destroying us on the inside out. This is why I believe as a man, that we should each learn how to control and express our anger in the most appropriate way possible. Censorship has been tried and all that it has done has caused people to have emotional breakdowns or worse yet, to have outbursts which have costed jobs, careers, relationships and similarly important circumstances for each of our lives.

In closing this article, I wanted to state that society thinks anger especially male anger is bad. I do not consider this a useful opinion because anger as I have said throughout this article can be channeled and when mixed with love can become passion. Our love like our anger is an energy, how we use and channel our energies is how we use and channel our emotions. This is especially so with men who in their more mature years, learn to hold their anger at bay and assess a situation for what it is – A test to the strength and maturity of our characters. Character in my bias can only occur when each of us struggle and grow, character can only come through our ability to develop who each of us are.

This to me is a Real Life Development.

Until next time,

Count. Daniel John Fogarty @ reallifedevelopment.me on Thursday the 17th of April 2014.

Knowing That You Are Capable Part 3 – Understanding Guilt.

I have lived with guilt, at some periods of my life for many years.

Prior to starting my development as a man and getting a mentor who has started to help me become more mature in my human relationships, I lived with so much guilt that I am surprised that I have made it this far in my life. I have to say that it has not been an easy struggle to get to where I currently am and that I have had to make a series of personal sacrifices in order to live where I currently live today.

Given this, understanding that some of my sacrifices have caused me to feel some regret and some guilt… I often wonder at times if it was worth doing what I needed to do – In order to get ahead in my life. I have never been a person to cheat or steal from others, neither have I ever intentionally gone out of my way as a man to hurt others feelings.

Yet the hurt and the guilt is there from some of my actions, if only to remind me that I am a very fallible and very delicate human being. No matter how strong willed, loyal and focused I may seem to others. Indeed, the guilt that I do feel is not an easy emotion to describe and neither is its affect on my own and other people who have been stricken by it in their lives.

It is very psychotherapeutic to write about such subjects in a blog article, if not only to help others and also myself… and while I do write and journal my ideas down I think about all the past behaviors I have all at once displayed around others, including women who I considered important at one part of my life and the relationships they once held with me.

I often wonder about my earlier immaturity, the more needy and socially un-calibrated things I have done around others and how this has pushed them away. Often in the opposite direction to where I have wanted to pull them closer to me. But, that is life and in life you either have the opportunity to live and grow or give up, only to stagnate and die.

Tough choices, tough lives! Still the guilt remains…

Still the guilt remains, often times in our lives and continues to haunt us. This ability to be haunted by the guilt’s (as if they are owned) in our lives, can often times be more demeaning than the emotion of the guilt we feel in-itself, because along with the guilt come other secondary emotions. These emotions stir up something primal in each of us and get us to wonder about our place in the universe. Indeed, I can remember at one stage of my life crying myself to sleep. All because I felt guilty and felt despair about who I was and what it was that I wanted for my life. The nights that you spend alone, deserve to be the nights that you spend thinking about what it is exactly that makes you feel guilty!

The nights that you spend thinking about what it is exactly that makes you feel guilty!

From this despair comes the need to desperately want to fix what each of us have done to wrong the others in our lives. This is especially so when each of us have a conscience and know on some level that we have violated another persons emotions, yet were too emotionally immature to know or care at the time because we had not yet had the guilt to teach each of us a lesson. But from these lessons I would learn, how would I learn and I would often think of the people who I hurt in my life and how they had hurt me.

I would often spend hours, just thinking about how I could have changed things and made things different. But that’s the price of guilt, understanding and in this understanding you become a better more informed person so that you do not make the same mistakes a second time. Also guilt, leads to Self Development and Self Drive eventually and this Self Drive had led me into doing a Double Major in Sociology and Psychology at a top Australian University. So, you could say that had I not made many social mistakes and felt guilty about them that I would not have had the ability to change and grow as a human being.

Years ago, before I had any concept of what guilt was and I was a child growing into a Teenager – I was a socially isolated computer nerd. At that time, while I was alone and happy I often wondered about and dreamed about what the people did around me and how they formed complex relationships. I saw everyone put on a nice happy social face around me and look happy with one another. I was very socially naive and I thought that everyone was happy in a relationship and that this is what I needed. It was my dream to meet a few special people in my life and to love, be loved, to be understood, to understand, to care for and be cared for by others. Later I learned about relationship management and how people often times have to work very hard to keep their relationships with others in check in order to know about their capabilities as people and to learn from their past regrets in order to become real men and women.

So many adults today still do not understand why their relationships fail. Worse yet, others give up and continue to lie to themselves that they do not need a relationship to function, further so many adults today do not understand what the discomfort from the feelings of their guilt is trying to tell them. In doing so they sell themselves short – And I should know, I have seen both sides of the coin when it comes to relationships with others and what I have realized is that it is better to be loved by a person who pisses you off and you have to work with in order to have the relationship work – Then to be alone, there is nothing worse than being alone, feeling guilty and having regrets.

Unadulterated freedom as an adult to do what you want, without first understanding why it is that you feel so guilty is not really freedom at all – It’s a singles trap and like many of the traps to the human concept of freedom, there is always a price to be paid.

Freedom always has a price!

Freedom always has a price and I know a man who lives here in Sydney all by himself. He lives in a one bedroom apartment and claims that he is happy being alone, being ‘at peace‘ and regardless of his sexual preferences in his past (this man is gay), he often talks about how he loves to go home and visit his mother and live with her. While I do not personally see a problem with any of this and why should I, I do feel for him – Since I know deep down he is lying to himself. Indeed, while he may act proud, while he may act happy – He is still alone and I know that he misses the connections he had with others in his past – Even though he now feels somewhat guilty about them and wishes things could have been different.

BUT LIFE HAPPENS TO EACH OF US!

But life happens to each of us and what has happened for me, in meeting this person and associating with them in my life – Is to the utmost of my attention a personal warning, one in which I should heed. This warning, to me is one that I should heed because if I do not and if I do not get my act together in my life and write, this is also to say self-develop and grow then any chance of me, personally as Count. Daniel John Fogarty to take control of and responsibility of my life as a leader in my relationships will be limited. Indeed, if I limit myself and remain limited then I may end up like this man in my future – What is worse, I may give myself the opportunity to feel so terrible and bad about my past – That I will convince myself that I can do nothing to change it.

But I don’t believe this and I have listened to all the warnings which were and are given to me in my life, just as you should. Because a warning can come from any emotion, it can come from any person and it can come from any area of your life. This is why you must listen to warnings, because they are also very often tied up with your own capability to understand your own guilt. This is why I believe you must become capable as a man or a women, even if you have not already done so. Becoming capable means that you are able to understand and take responsibility for your own guilt.

The drive and emotion which drives you to become a better person. Because when you start to understand your guilt, you can start to work through it and its meanings – Ultimately allowing you to transcend your guilt and move on with your life. This is why I feel that guilt, like any other emotions which hold you back on your emotional and spiritual developments are, at least in my books designed to be transcended and integrated as healthy emotional experience. Guilt is designed to be transcended because you are transcendent as a human being. Each and everyone of us is and should remain a transcendent light in the darkness, a light which shines ever-outwards around us and into the possibilities of our well lit futures.

As a young man, I spent four years feeling horrible about a relationship which ended for me, only to find out by the end of it that I was neither the relationship nor was I the same person who started it well over five years earlier. Now, in the present I can look at my past pains and my past experiences of guilt and understand why it took me four years to work through and ultimately overcome it. Afterwards I was able to start another relationship with another person at that time in my life and get what I always wanted as a computer nerd and teenager – Someone who could love me and someone who was loyal.

But, that relationship didn’t last either and I spent another amount of time having to learn – Grow up and mature in my life experience! This too was so that I could then, eventually start to invite other people into my life who could heal me. Each and every time I had a relationship which did not work out for me – I had to feel remorse, I had to feel pain and I had to feel guilt. The feeling of this guilt showed me that I was capable, just as you are capable of transcending it.

This for me, is a Real Life Development.

Count. Daniel John Fogarty @ reallifedevelopment.me on Thursday the 17th of April 2014.

Book review – Florence Littauer – Personality Plus; The 4 Different Personalities and how to Spot Them!

Book review –

Florence Littauer -Personality Plus; The 4 Different Personalities and how to Spot Them!

I first read Littauer’s book when I was a 19 year old boy who had come out of a highly destructive and demeaning relationship. At that time I had just joined a prominent multilevel marketing business and was learning to sell to, connect with and had started to learn how to build important friendships with people – Some of which I maintain to this day.

I was still reeling at the time however, having to go through and feel the pain of my first major relationship ending. This relationship was my world at the time and I had to learn how to embrace new, novel and yet painful emotions that taught me alot about myself and the people in the world with whom I encountered around me. I was lucky at the time to have joined an education and selling program which this multilevel marketing company offered me… and one of the first books that this program sent out to me was Personality Plus.

Reading the book!

I remember cracking open the book doing the Personality Questionaire which I found there. I was curious to find out what personality type I was at the time and are now curious to find that I am a totally different personality type years later.

While reading through the book and learning about the personality types listed there I would later learn when I went onward to do a degree in psychology that this book is not a very comprehensive personality assessment. Yet I have never faulted its ability when learning to characterize the people with whom I meet in a social situation.

Further I have never been able to fault the ability to change and mould my personality around other types within say business or potential sexual/romantic situations. With ease I might add – Because this book teaches you the skills, if only you do the drills listed in there.

So what are the personality characters and characteristics listed in Littauer’s book?

Well according to Littauer there are four main personality types and these are:

1. The Choleric Personality Type.

2. The Phlegmatic Personality Type.

3. The Sanguine Personality Type.

4. The Melancholic Personalty Type.

While each personality type is based upon the Medieval measurement of the four main character personalities and their humours, each in Littauer’s book describe a distinct and well-determined type of Personalty, starting with the choleric.

The Choleric Personality Type

Stern, forward, motivated and full of leadership – The Choleric Personality type is the character of a person who likes to get things done, overcomes any obstacles which get in their way and seek to be achievers.

Advantages of the Choleric Personality Type:

Motivated, driven, leaders, go-getters and such.

Disadvantages of the Choleric Personality Type:

Careless, agitated, looses friends easily, bossy and Egoic.

The choleric is social in the sense that they can motivate others, they are the first of the two social Personalty types in Personality Plus. The second type is a sanguine.

The Sanguine Personality Type

Social, forward, carefree and fun loving – The sanguine Personalty type is one which seeks out novelty, people and life experience. Not caring nor wishing to settle down too quickly or too fast and are always on their feet, smiling, entertained and in the life of a social party.

Advantages of the Sanguine Personality Type:

Free, talkative, fun, party animals, entertainment.

Disadvantages of the Sanguine Personality Type:

Over-talks, is distractive, loud, annoying.

The sanguine is social in that they can talk with others and be in the process of constant communication. Another personality type with indirect communication skills is the phlegmatic.

The Phlegmatic Personality Type

Peaceful, kind, gentle and thinks of others – This personality type is the one which is kind, quiet, peaceful and does not like to cause conflict with others. The phlegmatic is the most sensitive of all the Personalty types and because of this tends to be the most agreeable and best Personalty type to get one with – but they can sometimes be considered boring.

Advantages of the Phlegmatic Personality Type:

Kind, caring, listens, tends to think of others.

Disadvantages of the Phlegmatic Personality Type:

Can be stubborn, does not like to be ordered around, can be too overly sensitive.

The phlegmatic personalty type is the first of the more introverted and less social personality types which can be found in social-human interactions. The second type is the melancholic.

The Melancholy Personality Type

Analytical, focused, take orientated, works to preselected options, likes plans and recipes. The melancholic type of Personalty is the type of personality which is analytical and focused on getting tasks established and seeing them through to their completion. Often with sacrifice to their social and similar friendship/familial social lives.

Advantages of the Melancholy Personality Type:

Task orientated, likes to be a project manager so that they can provide stable focus to their projects.

Disadvantages of the Melancholy Personality Type:

Boring, too focused, not enough opportunity to let their hair down.

The melancholic personalities only real let down is their lack of social ease as they are often too analytic for their own good and cannot balance it with a sense of humour and/or good time.

Each personality type has their own advantages and disadvantages. Both provide humanity with a strong survival mentality and this is one of the many reasons why I reviewed this book – Other than to say that it significantly helped me in business.

You can get a copy of Littauer’s book here

Until next time,

Count. Daniel John Fogarty @ reallifedevelopment.me on Saturday the 29th of March 2014.

Culture shock is not just a European phenomena.

I’ve talked with many people who have left Australia, Europe and the USA.
Each have told me that they have had to experience moments of readjustment, that is they went through a series of culture shocks which changed them fundamentally as a person, as a human being.

While this is true I have also been able to meet people who have come from different cultural backgrounds who have also told me the same. They have had to adjust and for them, this adjustment was not easy. I personally believe that it is healthy to have a series if not many multiple periods in life where you grow, change and adjust as a person – each time making you both stronger but also more wise.

So having talked with many people, I find it interesting that many of them have experienced a state of emotional readjustment, a state where they have learned to survive. Of course this and others readjustments in their lives was such a shock to their system, their survival. This survival was affected the way people such as L. Ron Hubbard in the early days of Scientology (before it became megalomaniacal and corrupted) talked about. He said that human survival and the use of human ethics can help humanity both as individual men and women but also as nation states/similar large social structures transition themselves. In the process of this transition each and every person who goes through it will experience an emotional process known as shock, or cultural shock. Something which my relationship mentor Frank B. Kermit has called “Having a Catharsis”.

I believe that each of us right now are going through a transitional process or a catharsis and that this change will be a very large social change in the consciousness of humanity. I wrote about this change in my book, Thoughts, Distinctions and Certainties – A Voice in the Dark back in 2012.

Other writers too have written about these social changes and cultural shocks, writers such as Alan Toffler, who in the 1970’s wrote a book called Future Shock. As a book, Future Shock listed all the possible future socio-cultural, technological, psychological, neurological, environmental, semiotic-etymological changes listed as minor traumas or emotional breakdowns which men and women, specifically in the United States over the next 30-50 years.

The genius Buckminster Fuller said the same in his books, in particular Operating Manual for Spaceship Earth. Marilyn Ferguson from the new age movement in the early 1980’s wrote about the Aquarian Conspiracy and of course Futurists such as FM 2030, Robert Anton Wilson and Timothy Leary talked about such changed in the early 1980’s.

Culture shock to me is one such change, an epiphenomenon of a global society in both a moments notice of crisis, but also in a moments notice of breakthrough. Breakthroughs and the social crisis’s which they represent. Movements such as Neoshamanism, trans-humanism, multiculturalism (which the politician Enoch Powell predicted and heavily criticized in the 60’s) and similar point to the cathartic change which cultural shock brings.

Cultural shocks are not just ethnocentric and biased towards western cultures. Pseudo-western cultures which have been traditionally eastern and Asiatic in their approaches such as Japan, Chinese (the island of Hong Kong, Thailand and India not discounted) which have adopted western modern models of economics, behaviorism and structuralist theories of social science too have had their forms of cultural shocks.

The “western virus” as some academics in the social science have called it, has made its impact on those who have grown up in cultures of transition. Neoliberalism and Neoconservatism both have affected even some of tech remotest tribes of Africa, inner parts of Australia and South America.

People who have grown up in these remote places have been in cultures of transition. Some people who I have had a chance to meet, be they university students, academics, corporate types and those focused in traditional blue collar labour who have emigrated from their countries of origin (birth in the legalese sense of the word) have told me that they have had to face a series of cultural shocks.

These cultural shocks were experienced when they became immigrants of another traditionally European-western centric country or society such as the USA, UK or Australia (Germany, France, Finland, similar Scandinavian countries not excluded).

They have come from a series of societies with different and diverse cultures that put family, their society, their customs first and have found themselves in a society swamped with rampant over-consumerism (I never said consumerism was bad) that has heavily processed food stuffs, over-sexualised and violent media programs (television, radio, internet – etc. with traditional forms of print media not excluded).

And with this sudden culture shock, we can clearly see that most people do not when they emigrate to western countries “fit in”. To me, the media especially on thing right is always quick and trigger happy to criticize the immigrants from other countries who do not fit into the western model of thinking, but are not as quick to realize that perhaps it is not the immigrants which are not the problem – but are actually the society that they have immigrated into.

Here in the west since the fall of Celtic and traditional forms of folk law the west has been steadily moving towards a mechanistic, almost Ahrimanic model to borrow from Rudolf Steiner model of how the ethnocentric western universe works. Sure this western science in all it’s robust typologies of Materialism has come from the metaphysics of Plato, Socrates, Thales, some medieval European alchemists and Muslim Scholars. But it fails to follow up on the more eastern, organic and holistic approaches to men and women who see the world not just in a form of mechanics but also in a form of constant change or flux.

Having been a practitioner of radionics for some years now I understand these more  organic and holistic processes but I also understand that they can be calibrated and better used with western mechanics and materialism to form a Hegelian synthesis from the former antithesis and thesis which we see in the post-modern east-west dialectic.

Nonetheless each of us as human beings in the post-modern 21st century has, is and continues to go through a form of catharsis and culture shock. In particular I say that the cultural shocks which each of us experience can be found in two main and fundamental areas of human global society.

The first comes from immigrants who emigrate from their country of birth and with who have to experience the shock of going to another say, western country. The second comes from those who are citizens or corporate locals who experience new people who have come to their country of birth and who are changing it with new customs.

Anyone who has grown up in the county or small city with a pretty stable population which traditionally embodies a cultural norm who then moves into a larger city will see this and experience a much greater cultural shock than those who have solely adjusted to it; say over a 25-50 year period of change.

But this I nothing new, since the Paleolithic times, human cultures and societies have been melded together with small human tribes of no more than 50 men and women. What is going on globally now with our culture shocks is that we are increasingly becoming a part of a much larger and larger socio-cultural tribe or becoming more aware of what Timothy Leary called in his 8 circuit model the sociosexual circuit.

Marx would say that this same process is the transition from capitalism to socialism… I say Perhaps… Nonetheless this larger socio-cultural or global tribe is re-experincineng and learning about its past in the present. Any historian will tell you that history repeats itself. While I agree with this statement, I also wanted to add my own two cents and say that “while yes, history does repeat itself… It does so on increasingly larger and larger scales of coherence”.

What was once an adjustment for a tribe of 2,000-3,000 people when joining with a similar tribe of a similar amount is now being experienced by people who are 20 to thirty million in one of the many large cities on this planet. Ultimately what I hope at the end of this change, this traction, this shock and this catharsis is that we will evolve and move to the next level as a human species. Of course not every tribe has made it and not everyone succeeds.

But if each of us realizes that we are in a state of cultural shock – then perhaps we can be more compassionate to one another and this gives us a fighting chance…

Count. Daniel John Fogarty @ reallifedevelopment.me on Tuesday the 18th of March 2014.

Development 1, 2, 3 – Healing past Trauma through a Catharsis in Social, Emotional and Psychological Relationships.

Development 1, 2, 3

– Healing past Trauma through a Catharsis in

Social, Emotional and Psychological Relationships.

As a younger man…

When I was a younger man I was pretty toxic – Socially, Emotionally and Psychologically. These three areas have needed much work in the last few years of my short yet aging life… and what i can tell you is, when you start doing work on yourself – Life get’s tough.

Life does get tough but having a tough life is better than having a lack of social graces. The type of social graces which were absent and thus helped to destroy most of my potential relationship circles before they even started. The social graces which I lacked in my youth and which I have had to learn and iron out is the NLP and Social concept of calibration.

Calibration is where you do something socially and think about the consequences before you do it and apply more positive and pro-social behavior in advance in order to prevent negative social esteem and negative social consequences of your actions. But when I was younger I was neither calibrated nor did I care about the needs of others and the social consequences which would follow. This is why I was emotionally toxic!

Emotionally I was toxic!!!

Emotionally I was toxic, because I cared only about myself and didnt give a damn about anyone else in the world around me and the *(then) emotionally important relationships which other people wanted to have with me.

This lack of emotional caring was also extended to my psychology where I was toxic because I didn’t care about others because my own needs, for information gathering, understanding how the world works and etc. came first over anyone else and what they wanted. This I realized gave me a negative attitude.

Attitudes!!!

And these negative attitudes would affect my relationships with other human beings, especially when it came to intimacy and understanding other people… This is not to say that it was totally my fault either; in the social, emotional and psychological departments… Other people too, would screw up or screw me up in relationships which would ultimately cause these relationships to end.

Because of both of these relational-factors – I did not have the opportunity to form strong and meaningful relationships with others… I was a loaner and I was socially isolated. This loner mentality hurt me for a long time and I became withdrawn and this forced me to assess what I really wanted in the world and with others around me. After one final, extremely damaging relationship, I found myself in what my Relationship Mentor has called a “catharsis”.

The Catharsis!

A catharsis is a form of physical, emotional, psychological, social and spiritual purging. It is where you, as a person have to face some deep, dark and emotionally constricted parts of yourself and learn to let these parts of yourself go – If you are going to evolve… To become a better person.

So I did, I decided to clear out my social life of toxic individuals and start to work hard – Exceptionally hard at making new and more refined friends.

Having a good look at my emotions!!!

I then went and had a good look at my emotions… I worked hard, really hard on defining and calibrating what each emotion was for me and I found that I had emotions with names that I was not even aware of.
What was more, once I found out that I had certain emotions, became aware of their sensations and the labels I gave them – I realized that I had anger management issues.

I started to realize that  I was a really passionate and visceral person. The type of person who had an interlect and knew how to write – Sure, but who also realized that he wasnt going to write anything unless he understood who he was, who he is and who he wanted to be. That for me was emotionally defining process which eventually led me to write down, record and look at my dreams and their deeper interpretations.

My deeper psychology.

From there I started to work on and into my deeper psychology. I looked at who I was, what I wanted and where I wanted to go in life – Through my dreams, desires and aspirations. With an analysis of each of these – I soon realized that in order to become the person that I wanted to be, I needed to go through a profound psychological revolution.

This revolution led me back into an intense study and direct application of Self-Development, Psychopathology, Relationship Coaching, and Sales into all avenues of my life. I thus learned about other people, their psychology, how they operate and how they work! This was my responsiblity and job as a man! I had to understand other people, help them out, heal them and in the process of doing this – Heal Myself, ME!

After I had undertook this life changing, I found people from my past started to rapidly come back into my life.

People from my past started to come back into my life and I found using all the skills I had attained from mentoring and self-training in the social, emotional and psychological arts were able to help me with these people who once represented these old relationships/friendships and this ultimately again healed myself.

Each and every person helped to define me and help me grow as a man!

Each and every person helped to define me and help me grow as a man – As a human being… and for all of this – I ultimately felt good and I ultimately grew up… I got what I wanted from the catharsis which was the healing! I was able to heal myself and other people and begin the process of knowing where I belong.

In the next process I will teach you the methods which I used in the Development 1, 2, 3 process so that you can use them for yourself…

Until then,

Count. Daniel John Fogarty @ reallifedevelopment.me on Monday the 17th of March 2014.

Your ability to connect with others – Will determine the amount of success you have in your life.

An old friend calls me up on the telephone tonight to tell me that they’re leaving the country behind… They wanted to invite me to a going away party and that I was one of the few people they wanted to invite because I actually took the time out, in the hustle and bustle of their busy lives – to really get to know them.

A friend tells me recently that their father has died and that they were the first person they thought of, with whom they could be open with and talk too…

Another friend recently tells me of their infidelities with their partner and how they’re not sure if they should tell them or not…

Each of these phone calls, each of these conversations and the ability for my friends to connect with me – Has come from both the trust, the acknowledgement and the ability for each of us to connect with one another… And it has been this ability to connect with others, which for me which has crossed all cultural barriers, all genders, all forms of relationship (sexual, kin or otherwise) and has allowed me the opportunity to share times of intense emotional impact with others.

But how is it, that some people are able to connect with other people in an expert and professional way, making each and everyone of us feel good – While others cannot connect.

Is it, like selling the concept that some are born naturals and others are not… What about the idea that connecting with others is a learned art – One which can be worked on hard and once attained can be practiced for life. The latter for me is how I personally have learned to connect with others.

In life, other than a months worth of guitar training – I have only ever learned to use one instrument. That instrument was my voice and in high-school I loved to perform, to sing and felt that I was good at it.

What training my voice taught me was that whether I was good at singing or not was irrelevant – it was how much was my singing making an impact upon others. I would soon see, depending on the genre how others would react to me if I was great, if I sucked or if I was okay and would thus adjust the calibration of my voice accordingly.

The same happened to me when I learned sales… I thought I was good at it and later found that I got better when I would calibrate my skills such as my pauses, my eye contact, hand gestures, voice and excitement around with and towards others. All of this took the eye of a salesperson and learning calibration as a life skill.

Regarding life skills – It was, in my more personal life the art of social calibration and social connection which my personal life coach taught me – when I learned to calibrate myself to relationships around and with other people. What he told me was that in order to connect with others, you must first find where they are at emotionally and go from there.

You need to listen to the sound of their voice, watch where their eyes are moving, see if they are smiling and watch how they are breathing. But he also taught me that most people are looking for something socially as an emotional need and that when you find these needs and address them that people will want to connect with you better – and in more deeper ways than ever felt possible before.

So, I have found that in order to connect better with others – what you need to do is focus on another person and actually treat them as well if not better than you would like to have yourself treated. You actually need to spend time out with another person (I have found the minimum is 3-6 hours) for them to actually connect with you on a deeper level.

If you have any social status such as a rockstar, a politician, are popular in business etc. and have something of high social/cultural or personal value to give to others then this ability to connect with them and influence them is significantly reduced in time and exposure… I.e. It you had 30 minutes to talk with your favourite musician – then this time spent with them could have more impact on you then upto and including 10-15 hours spent with someone else.

Thus the more influence you have on other people, the more you can connect with them… The inverse of this equation is also true, the more time you spend with other people the more time you are able to influence and connect with them. This is why I believe that even less better looking people in the world can still attract and bring to them attractive friends or sexual partners. I believe this is because all that these proper need to do is spend more time around others, meeting their emotional needs (as my mentor has impressed upon me) and that this then will affect and further reflect upon their personal relationships.

What these emotional needs are will be addressed in future articles.

Until then and next time,

Count. Daniel John Fogarty @ reallifedevelopment.me on Tuesday the 11th of March 2014.

Polyamory and Alternative Relationship Circles…

A few years ago, I had the opportunity to meet a woman in one of my social circles who, introduced me to the concept of Polyamory.

What is Polyamory?

Polyamory is the management, maintenance and opportunity to fall in love with and have multiple lovers. The etymological breakdown of polyamory comes from two Latin words, the first word being “Poly” means “Many” or “More than one”. The second word, being “Amory”, means “to have love for another/others”. Thus when you combine both of these words in their English translation, you get their meaning which is “to have love for many others”.

 The woman who introduced me to the concept of polyamory showed me a whole new world which I honestly wish I could have explored deeper with her. But at the time I was a withdrawn and not very expressive individual. This does not mean that I conduct polyamoruous relationships or that I am exclusively monogamous, I don’t talk about such things except in their more theoretical and social aspects (Winks ;D).

Being polyamorous is more than just being sexual, being polyamorous means being social…

Socially, the development of polyamourous relationships does not mean that they are exclusively heterosexual. Polyamorous relationships can be be transgender, Gay, Lesbian and similar bisexual combinations between. The sexual and gender combinations of Boy-girl-boy or girl-boy-girl or girl-girl-boy, boy-boy-girl, boy-boy-boy or girl-girl-girl with larger social circles or something in-between occur regularly in Polyamorous relationships.

The advantages and disadvantages of having multiple relationships.

 Because of these socio-sexual combinations between people the disadvantages of Polyamory is that there is a much larger chance of an STI being transmitted between sexual partners. This is especially so if they do not use physical protection like a condom or keep their sexual circles closed in the case of sexual skin infections such as Herpies.

Usually most social circles will use sex protection and be careful, but this is not a given and needs to be considered if you wish to undertake sexual acts in multiple relationships (yes, this also includes kissing and petting!)

The more advantageous aspects to polyamory are already a given here – The ability to have multiple lovers, to have variety, to have novelty, to experience multiple love and also to get relationship skills. A secondary gain of these is an increased social confidence and an increased social stamina which does not come from watching porn, chatting on social media or having a monogamous relationship.

Relationship Coaching and resources for multiple relationships…

A relationship coach that I know called Frank B. Kermit actually has a CD/mp3 set which talks about the setup and structuring of multiple relationships both in swinging, in the structuring of polyamorous and similar types of multiple relationship management.

You can look at his product on Alternate Relationship Choices here and also go to his website Franktalks.com

I recommend Frank at the end of this article on polyamory because having chatted with this man and done some consultations with him, I have to say he can iron out most if not all of your relationship issues and problems. Plus he is pleasant to listen to and quite instructive.

Talking about being instructive,

Why not read one of my other blog articles on thehim.net by looking here

Until next time,

Count. Daniel John Fogarty @ reallifedevelopment.me on Monday the 10th of March 2014.

Closing friendship circles and starting new ones!

Over the last few years I have had the privilege to meet some pretty cool people. They have been through all walks of life and have taught me skills which have allowed me to survive and have a thick skin as a young male. As a young male and as a young man I have had to struggle to find out who I am and to learn how to create my own sense of a self-created identity. This sense of identity us had to be molded both in the “real world” and online here in the world of blogging, Facebook and writing.

Each of the people I have met in my life have influenced me.

Each of the people I have met in my life have influenced me. These people were and are of all ages and all of them have taught me something important about myself thorough their own unique philosophies and world-views. Each of these world-views, especially the ones which have impacted me the most I will take to the grave with me – As a rich and wealthy man.

One of the most richest philosophies that I have had the change to learn is that we are always influencing one another. We are always influencing one another and I learned about this influence from multiple authors and teachers such as Richard Bandler, Robert Anton Wilson, Laura Knight-Jadczyk, Michael Tsarion, Buckminster Fuller, Gregory Bateson, Timothy Leary and etc.

Each of these people and their influence upon me and others has taught me, while I have grown both physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually that it is important to share wisdom with others – Whenever and where ever you can. But it has been the most uncommon and least obvious areas where this particular life influence of wisdom has erupted around me.

While exploring both psychology and sociology in depth for academic and private purposes, I have come to learn that each of us have a sense of identity or self and also a social persona which we use in order to better influence others. The influence that others have upon us can be both modest and emotionally demanding.

Emotionally it has been difficult for me recently as I have lost two members of my extended. While both were not directly blood related to me, both treated and taught me what it was like to be one of their own. Both were women and they each taught me their philosophies of life in relationship to business, human relations and health. Both individuals have and continue to remain to me important teachers in what it means to have a real life development.

It was and has remained for me a theme in my life to thoroughly explore Real Life (self) Development. Albeit that this development is in our Psychology/Neurology, Sociology/Anthropology, use of language, modelling(Sic-NLP), dating/understanding the opposite sex and also in the endeavours of learning to have a well rounded financial education. Each of these avenues of our lives should not be ignored and yet some of them are, in particular the spiritual and emotional aspects of our life.

RULE NO. 1 IN LIFE – DON’T IGNORE THE SPIRITUAL ASPECTS.

Never ignore the spiritual aspects of your self development. I am not just talking about religion here, I am also talking about the understanding of the mystical and the devout. Having been an occultist and a Kabbalist for some years now I can say with some strong certainty and physical examination that the spiritual side to life is one of the most important keys to your REAL LIFE DEVELOPMENT. Being spiritual to me means being practical and being proactive in what it is that you want to do in your life – in regards to shaping your destiny.

Part of your destiny both socially and spiritually is to have contact with people and/or entities which are no longer here on the physical/material plane and yet at a moments choice wish to make themselves known.

Two evenings ago, my deceased grandfather of 15 years came to me in a dream and in this dream we had a rather adult conversion and “caught up”. Ignoring the preclusions that I would have about my unconscious mind talking with me and attempting to give my conscious mind a message, the message from my grandfather was all too important and all too timely.

In this dream my grandfather said to me, a saying he was often fond of communicating to me and this was that – “when one door closes, another one opens”.

WHEN ONE DOOR CLOSES ANTOTHER ONE OPENS…

This statement has over the years, become a life-philosophy for me. The type of life philosophy which I carry around with me on a nearly day to day basis and is the type of life philosophy which I have allowed to filter from me and make better influence the people around me with whom I meet. When I meet people who are in the same career path as me, in my entrepreneurial pursuits and in my interpersonal relationships I attempt to express this life philosophy to each of them so that they can each understand that life provides many opportunities for their self development and growth.

In my own interpersonal relationships I have further used this life philosophy as a means of study and self-reflection in order to heal from the ending of a particular relationship, collapse of a friendship circle or in the loss/death of a loved one. What I have learned from this important life philosophy is that, ultimately people come and people go.

When one door shuts, another opens – People come and people go in your life…

People come and people go in your life. They do this in a variety of ways such as dying of natural causes, car accidents, drug overdoses, moving to different cities/different countries or thorough their own growth away from from you in the case of a change in career, new life/religious philosophy or starting/having a family.

If you’re young like me and travelling through the school of hard knocks deliberately then you are going to need a few strong life philosophies in order to get you through so that you can train yourself to increase your life skills, your life experience and your general sense of wellbeing. But get this, when you learn a new life skill in any area of your life including your relationships – You are going to be facing etc. Then get used to this! Get used to this because until the day you die, you are going to be facing challenges.

We all face challenges…

We all face challenges and so, I would like to take the wisdom and life philosophy which my grandfather taught me and propose that when one of our relationships ends, when one friendship circle dies as many of mine have – That we each have an opportunity to create new friendship circles, new relationships with others and create improved friendship groups with the important people who remain around us in our lives. This not only enhances our sense of survival but also enhance our sense of strength in both our characters our actions.

Our character and our actions are improved by others. This is why I believe that in order to grow as a human you need to travel, go to different seminars on self-development and make new friends with strangers who may have a similar or different life philosophies to you.

When one door shuts, another opens and thus every new stranger that you meet in your life can teach you something both about yourself and you about them. Each and every new social group or seminar that you go to enables you to have exposure to the types of people that you would like to be around and who can make a significant impact on your life and you on theirs.

Guys, life was not designed to be a walk in the park, friendships die… That’s the price for your self and Real Life Development… So the best thing that you can personally do is to get back into life, improve who you are and meet new friends, meet new people and start new relationships.

Count. Daniel John Fogarty @ reallifedevelopment.me on Tuesday 11th of Feburary 2014.