Creating Circles of Excellence

 

Getting unstuck!

Often times in our lives we get stuck. We capture the state of being transfixed, immutable and stuck.

Being stuck has been a problem for me in my life, as I am sure that you have been stuck in your life too. Each of us are trying to define who we are, each and every day refining and redefining our self identity albeit we do this in our 20’s, 30’s, 40’s and on-wards in our adult lives.

One of my audio mentors Skip Ross in his Dynamic living series has called this “reaching the plateaus of our lives”. The plateaus where we have stopped and are no longer growing, maturing, reaching, striving, earning and learning. Be it that we are men or women, the urge to strive and to be apart of something much greater than ourselves. Perhaps call it destiny, yet this strive is there and in the strive and strife of life, we often get stuck.

We often feel relentless, yet we become tired. We often dream of other lives, yet this is the life that we are living. Time and again, the responsibilities which drive each of us can either drive us to the ground or drive us to the impossible heights of our dreams.

One of my dreams has to become a Master Practitioner and then trainer in NLP. Part of that process has coincided with other important financial and relationship goals. Perhaps you can draw a parallel to me here in your life and your own personal striving. But very often, before I learned to start to work on myself, to develop myself I found to my dismay that I had no internal resources and I had no internal structure.

It was as if I was an undefined piece of art, a rough piece of clay that needed to be molded and put into a kiln in order to heat out and dry. This was of course before I learned a technique in NLP called “Circles of excellence”.

Creating a circle of excellence!

Resources are elemental to living a productive, resourceful and powerful life. The resources that you can attain by creating circles of excellence are useful and can help you get to where you want to be in life. I have used Circles of Excellence in Business, Seduction, Sales, Training, Teaching and in Coaching sessions. What I have found is that the resources and discovery attained by using Circles of Excellence is almost unlimited and allows you to start re-engineering your life into the directions that you have wanted to achieve.

Creating a circle of excellence is easy, but first I recommend that you learn about perceptual positions in NLP on an article I wrote here and also by an article from the NLP website … Once you have mastered the Perceptual Positions pattern in NLP then you can start to create Circles of Excellence and in order to do so, do the following:

1. Vividly imagine that there is a circle in front of you on the floor.

– This circle can be of any shape, colour and size – Just so long as you can clearly see a circle beneath you on the the floor.

2. Once you have created your circle before you!

– I want you to think about something that you want to achieve. It could be to feel more energetic, more relaxed, more productive, become better at business or better at relating to others.

3. Once you have thought about what you have wanted!

– I want you to then think back to a time, a memory where you had something similar to what you wanted in Step 2. Now, begin to notice if this memory has any images, sounds or feelings associated with them and as you begin to notice these begin to walk into the circle.

4. As you walk into the circle take the memory with you!

– Begin to close your eyes starting to really feel, see and hear your memory as a state of consciousness which you are now experiencing in the circle. Once you have re-experienced the memory as a state, open your eyes and then shake it off of you and your body. Then step out of the circle.

5. After stepping out the circle!

– I will then step back in and re-experience and then test the state, I will then shake that state off and then step outside of the circle. Outside of the circle I again remember something similar to the state I just put into the circle or add another memory which I feel will enhance the state.

– What I tend to do, in the circumstance of being motivated to talk at a seminar or to coach a client is to think about a good experience with a crowd I have had before or with a coaching client. I then walk back into the circle, activate the memory and state, shake the state off. I then step out of the circle and then think of another occasion which might be similar to this.

– This similar occasion might be the feeling of satisfaction I have had after a good meal, or the image of me wining an award or my friends/family wishing me happy birthday.

I do this until I have three to four really good states, repeating steps 3-5.

– Afterwards I then step into the circle and experience all the states I put into it, I them step out of that circle and notice that the state has not gone away in fact I have taken the state with me, this leads to Step 6.

Step 6. I then look at the circle and mentally grab it!

– I put the circle into the palm of my hand and put it into my back pocket. This step is very important because I will then walk somewhere else in the room or environment I am in and take the circle out of my back pocket again. I mentally throw it back onto the ground in front of me and low and behold I re-experience the states I have put into the circle. I then walk out of the circle again and fold into my back pocket.

I have done this with so many circles that it has become second nature to me. I find that I am no longer stuck or plateauing in my life, rather I find that I am able to create new and novel experiences which help me become more productive in my lie. What is more, I find that I now have an almost unlimited series of resources which is great since I want to have as many options in my life as possible. This in NLP is called requisite variety.

In the next post I will blog post I will talk about requisite variety in greater detail.

Until then,

Count. Daniel John Fogarty

Defining your Self-Image – Part Two – Walking in Order to Have Swag.

 

 

Swag is the type of lifestyle I like to lead. I love to walk around and show off my figure my form. Perhaps not the way a woman or model of clothing would like to, still I love to walk around and have that certain special bounce in my step.

That special bounce

I love to have a bounce in my step, I like to walk around and say with my body to the world “hey I’m special” and what’s more, in my attitude towards the world I like to say with my body “hey, you’re special too”. I do this with the way I walk and the way I dress because I believe in game theory and I think that sociological, let alone academic social-psychological concepts can and do have real-world groundings. The same goes with applied ritual magick and this is why I dress up.

I dress up because I believe that dressing up has applied Ritual-Magickal value. I also believe through the concepts of NLP and sympathetic magick that the way I dress can influence the world around me. With the sociological concepts of Georg Simmel and Symbolic Interactionism and the applied use of agency. Through the applied use of agency I can and do modify the structure of my environment, my ecology and thus the sociological structure of the world around me.

I do not deny the sociopolitical and psychopolitics of dressing up as well. I am constantly studying, sometimes modelling world leaders and how they dress and act. These people, aside from their psychopathic tendencies also tend to have swag  – else other people have taught them this swag… Which I don’t doubt, considering the amount of political aids (‘Henry Kissinger’ for instance), NLP trainers, life coaches, astrologers and PR manages which surround them.

But… What is Swag exactly?

I define Swag as as a lifestyle. The way I would define the lifestyle of an ethical seducerer (Frank B. Kermit, cassanova), A homosexual or Jew living in a homosexual or Jewish community or say a Paleolithic/vegan dieter. Lifestyle and swag are intimate lovers and are exclusive in their socio-sexual approaches to the world.

Swag for me is a way of moving your physiology, training your Vestibular System and learning to move in a new, particularly novel way.

I learned to walk with swag a few years ago when I was in a Network Marketing group and where I had to learn sales in order to approach other people so that I could prospect them.

What I would do is that I would go out into crowds and have a particular bounce in my step, this bounce was:

Exercise 1 – Learn to skip and hop around… Get that bounce back in your step

What I would do was that I would learn to have a certain special hop or bounce in my step which enabled me to draw the attention away from others and place it in my court. I would, in effect imagine that I could be a dancer like Michael Jackson or Brian Boitano the ice skater.

This is called creating a frame or framing in NLP and I would create a frame that I was someone who was both used to attention of others and also that I could maintain this attention by being unique. Creating a bounce in your step is all about being unique and this is why I advise that as a true individual you need to be unique and socially educated, not just an academic.

Exercise 2 – Learn to walk and as you walk, learn to straighten up your walk

When I was doing the Advanced Master Practitioner (Or Graduate course) of NLP Part 1 I learned how to change my walk and my walking posture using NLP. What I would do in these activities was to learn how to walk around modelling different people and their walking styles, all the while I would learn how this modelling would change my posture and the feelings about who I was, what I now am and who I was becoming.

This combined with the use of timelines and timeline therapy was an excellent way to learn how to change my walk and ultimately to straighten it out. Once I learned how to straighten my walk, I would then go into an explicit non-verbal state of anchoring and this anchor would then lock this straight walk deeply into my physiology and body language.

Exercise 3 – Expressing Ecstatic Body Language

The seduction guru Ross Jeffries taught me this technique in his Psychic Influence tape recorded in the middle of the year 2000. In order to do this technique, what you have to do is focus your energy or chi in the center of your body and put your hands into a prayer Stance.

Then containing your energies you thrust and rapidly move out this energy by going “yah” or “YEAH” in a loud manner. This stretches your Aura out but also increases your vital energy.

A good series of products in order to help you get started on the art of swag is to look up and purchase the work of Jewish anatomist and movement specialist Moche Feldenkrais. The use of Feldenkrais has helped me to get into a deeper expression of ecstatic body language and has allowed me to better move and influence other people around me.

Talking about influencing people around me – The next post is on creating Circles of Excellence.

Until then,

Count. Daniel John Fogarty @ reallifedevelopment.me on Sunday the 11th of May 2014.

Defining your Self-Image – Part One – Using Sound and a Mirror to Define your Physiology.

Who are you? How do you see yourself in the world?

How we see ourselves in the world and how we act around others tends to define who we are in our social environment. By defining who we are, we are able to understand and create who we are. Creating who we are is vital to each of us understanding and embracing our very human social psychology.

Understanding our species social psychology is important, so too its applied effect upon our world which is just as vast and enormous. If you have read books such as Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill or the Magic of Thinking Big by David Schwartz then you will begin to understand what I am talking about. It is these books along with some books on NLP and depth psychology that demonstrate how you can redefine the world around you.

Understanding how to redefine the world around you, through changing your social psychology also quickly helps you begin to realize that you are mutable and that you can change yourself at any time. This definition also helps you to understand that when you change yourself, you also change the world around you. Changing yourself by changing the world around you is called Inner Game in relationships and relationship management. Inner game allows you to develop who you are and to define the life circumstances that you find yourself in. Changing yourself in order to change the world around you is also similar to the definition that occultist and magician Aliester Crowley called “Change in conformity with the will” I.e. Your will.

In this brief article you are going to be learning about creating change in conformity to your will by using a series of exercises, including mirror exercises that allow you to state your belief about the world and then by looking in the mirror at yourself – redefine these beliefs.

Mirror exercises

Look at yourself in a mirror when you first get up in the morning and take notice of what you see.

Take a good long look at your body and then your face, studying your more global features and your complexion. Once you have done this, then take note of the following:

1. How does your hair look?
2. Look at your skin and begin to notice its pigmentation.
3. Look into your eyes and see yourself looking back at yourself… What do you notice?

Write these things down.

Next look at yourself and say the following few sentences, as you do so take notice of your physiological reactions…

Exercise 1.

Firstly, take a deep breath and then looking into the mirror, say to yourself “I love you”. As you do so, begin to release your breath and watch as your facial muscles. Notice how you may begin to soften your shoulders and how they may begin to drop.

See a smile appear across your face and perhaps take notice of a sparkle in your eyes. After this, take a few breaths deep and go into the next exercise.

Exercise 2.

Take a deep breath and looking at yourself say “I hate you”. As you say this to yourself, notice now your body changes. You might notice your body begins to tighten and tense up. You might also begin to notice that you look angry, aggressive and afraid.

You may also begin to look older (think about this emotion ladies… Hate ages you!).

After taking a deep breath move on to the next exercise.

Exercise 3.

Take a deep breath and next I want you to sing to yourself, perhaps a nursery rhyme  or one of your favorite songs. Trust me, you don’t have to be a proficient singer or any good (I’m okay, you’re probably okay yourself… Unless your tone deaf). So look at yourself in the mirror and start to sing, singing activates your whole body, your whole being and yes your organism.

We are beings of sound and when we sing it changes our whole posture and our physiology.

So look at yourself and notice what changes.

What changes?

Everything changes in your life when you change your physiology and your feelings. How we feel about ourselves and our life determines what we will do and what we will achieve. This is why I wanted to write the next article on defining yourself by having swag while you walk around and noticing that how you walk, definitely changes the way you feel and how others react around you.

Until the next article,

Count. Daniel John Fogarty @ reallifedevelopment.me on Wednesday the 7th of May 2014.

Knowing That You Are Capable Part 6 – Demonstrating That You Are A Person of Quality!

In life we have expectations about how things should be, how they are and how they should operate. To operate in life mean to take control of your life circumstances and embrace who you were born to be, to embrace your destiny and become more than you think you are. I have come from nothing – I will too go to nothing – Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Yet I have a passion and have had a passion to change my life time and time again. Each time that I have changed, I have almost gone through an alchemical process which has burned the person away that I was and created a new personality in the process.

Stead fast as I have been I have had to learn about alchemical principles and how they relate to the human personality. The term Solve et coagula comes to my mind here and this is the term used in Latin-alchemy to describe the separation of parts of the philosophers stone or human life force, chi and substance in order to refine and further refine it. Like in alchemy, each and every time that I have hard to refine my life, I have had to become a person of quality. But what does it mean to be a person of quality? I have five main principles in this article that for me, define a person of quality.

The first is to understand yourself and others and how to act appropriately around them. Understanding the process of how to act appropriately around others first came to me when I was undertaking my degree in psychology. When studying this degree, I had to learn how to become an ethical person – The type of person who would respect others in my relationship to them as human beings.

Being ethical means knowing when to act and meet peoples emotional needs. For instance making sure that people feel safe, knowing how to protect their secrets and he long them feel that you will tell them the truth. Unfortunately however I discovered this process in my life a little too late and this cost me. Few relationships and friendships. But I learned!

I learned and I started to understand others through my mistakes and this understanding of my mistakes and how to better treat others led me to become a person of quality.

When you learn you become a person of quality.

I learned that in order to improve the circumstances of your life – you must at first make mistakes and learn from these mistakes. No one ever succeeds or has any personal success in life until they learn from their mistakes and either attempt to fix the mistakes that they have made – and to also learn from them. At that point you achieve understanding.

When you understand you become a person of quality.

When you understand yourself and others and how each of us are prone to making mistakes then you start to become a person of quality because you begin to understand that you yourself and other human beings are fallible.

Each of us is fallible. We make mistakes… But our mistakes are our gifts, they give us an opportunity to learn and to strive for something higher. I understand now that it is not the results of what we want – rather the striving towards what we want and then achieving it which is more important. Having an understanding of our circumstances makes us who we are, it makes us more pure in our intent and helps us to keep secrets which others invest in us a a form of trust.

When you know secrets and are able to keep them – you become a person of quality.

People over the years have told me many secrets in their lives. On their journey to self discovery and on their journey to becoming a person of quality and of value they have had to tell me secrets. I have done the same. These secrets were given to me out of trust and it is this trust which I cherish.

To have someone trust you with their heart and their soul. To have them show you how vulnerable a human being can be and to protect and cradle this vulnerability perhaps is one of the most special things I have had to aspire towards in my life. I learned that when people told me secrets and that I could keep these secrets that I became a person of value and that this person of value knew that sometimes while secrets can be kept – sometimes the demands of these secrets have forced me to let people go.

When you learn to let things go – you become a person on quality.

Some people have to be let go of and some people have to let go of you. If the duality and nuances of life are to be understood, then they must be understood in the processes of meeting people at the right time and knowing when to let go of them at the right time.

Sometimes however, there is never a right time to let certain people go – it must be done. It is perhaps sometimes the people with whom you love so much that need to be let go of the hardest, because of all the value they have provided but now due to circumstances in life must be let go of. Sometimes when people let go of us, they do so because they don’t want to hold us back and because they love us. These people are special people and sometimes we will never know their true intents until we develop the life strategies to heal.

When you develop life strategies to heal – you become a person of quality.

Life strategies are what define value. Value which can be expressed in money, resources, acquisition, survival, knowledge and games.  Each of these life strategies provide value and they provide quality both to ourselves and other more social members of our human species. The latter of these in particular knowledge and games provide us a certain amount of time to heal and change the course of our lives so that we can become better people.

Knowledge of how to heal yourself and others, not just in the psychological and biomedical sciences – Means that each of us, perhaps through a social understanding of ourselves and one another can and often does lead to healing. Knowledge of class, caste, race, ethnicity, time and generation can help us understand where we are lacking in our lives and thus begin to heal.

Games allow us to socially interact with one another and form strategies be they social-sexual, logical-dexterous or similar so that we can play games which allow the more robust and better calibrated qualities to come out in each of us. Healing can only come about when we decide to change games which have not been serving us or others such as war, aggression or abuse. When we understand that certain games have not been helping us or one another we can change these negative games to service, love and compassion.

These latter qualities make us more qualified to distribute value to others and thus help them heal. The wounded then becomes the healer and all things healthy and good then follow.

This is why I think each of us need to have a Real Life Development.

Count. Daniel John Fogarty @ reallifedevelopment.me on Saturday the 3rd of May 2014.

Knowing That You Are Capable Part 5 – Understanding the Child Within You!

 

What does it mean to understand the child within you?

What does it mean when as an adult, you need to go back and revisit your childhood?

Why do each of us need to work with the inner child within us?

I’ve had to do a lot of self development in my life – Because my God I’ve needed it! I didn’t start off in the most emotionally abundant of homes. Sure I had two parents who could provide love for me and were financially sound. Yet they also went through a divorce, a breaking of the tides which many of us can relate to and is something which I have had to reflect more on and about as an adult.

As an adult I have had to learn that no one is perfect… Everybody in a family unit, regardless if they stay together or if they break up, have to eventually understand that who their other family members were. We each have to understand who our parents are/were, who their children are/were (including us) and thus as their children who we have also become as adults. Understanding the adult who I have become, has for me in my 20’s demonstrated to me that I have needed to understand who and what my own inner child actually is.

Who is your inner child?

I often find that it is very healing and very nurturing to visit the inner child within you and have an important self conversation. Self conversations or self-talk, helps us to organise and put into perspective the important concepts of our inner worlds. Our inner worlds are very brilliant, vibrant, crisp and organic. They belong to our own self identity and personal tradition. A tradition which can be holistic and working together in a fully integrated personality or can be split into unique pieces. These pieces may not, necessarily be broken but they may by their very split nature be causing each of us in our own inner world of personally and psychology to work in a less than efficient manner. Sometimes this lack of efficiency can put stress on our organism and cause us to operate less than functionally.

Operating in a less than functional manner causes stress to our organism and it is these pieces of our organism which work against one another, that we often ascribe social and Personalty roles too. These social and Personality roles are known as parts and parts integration in NLP. It is the process of those who study hypnosis and/or parts integration to bring the pieces of our organism back together in order to function in a more cohesive manner.

Being cohesive with parts integration.

Being cohesive with parts integration means that you learn to talk to different parts of yourself, in this case the inner child and have these parts communicate with one another in a conversation such as the parent or adult part of your personality. When the time is right, after a conversation has occurred between these different parts they are able to come together and integrate/reintegrate themselves into your larger personality. This thus makes your organism and your personality thus more organically cohesive.

I did a parts integration in my graduate practitioner course with NLP trainers Jules and Chris Collingwood and I am proud to say that this is a profoundly trance like experience and state of incredible metaphor and allegory. After doing a few different types of parts integration’s my whole Personalty changed, became more robust and acute. Of course this could be all auto suggestion, which in itself is a form of hypnotic art. Nonetheless I worked diligently to integrate my inner child into my adult Personalty so that I could have a more robust sense of the world around me.

Being robust in a difficult world.

Getting my adult personality to be more robust has shown me that I have had to work on my inner child and working on my inner child with parts integration has been hard to say the least. Working on my inner child was hard because I had to understand that what happens to you in life for better or for worse is never easy.

There are parts of ourselves which, from childhood are still hurting and in need of dire healing. My relationship mentor has told me in one of our coaching sessions that one of the hardest things a parent has to face with their children is the reflection of a second childhood. Children, our current, past and potential children cause each of us to go into a second childhood, a second reflection which as an adult can and often does make a lasting impact on our psychologies.

Being an adult, means for me the opportunity to self-actualize and take self-responsibility to what has happened to each of us. Understanding, embracing this understanding means that we are offered the opportunity to heal ourselves, our own inner child and integrate this inner child as a part into our much larger, more matured personality.

To understand is to acknowledge the child within you.

As adults, as parents and as children with ageing parents it is important to understand that the inner child in us needs to be acknowledged. Acknowledgement can only come from an understanding of who we are now and as we look back – to have a much better and sobering look at the world around us.

I have found that most people are kind and I have also found that this kindness has come from a kind of pain or trauma which has influenced us to heal and become better men and women. Caroline Myss calls this the process of becoming a wounded healer and I couldn’t agree more. 

Working on our inner child means that we need to become healers. Not just for others, but for ourselves. Numerous psycho-therapeutic models also discuss this as a key point to their methodology of emotional, spiritual, social and psychological healing. Regardless of the system of self-analysis and psychotherapy be it Freudian, Adlerian, Jungian, Reichian, the later self-actualization of Maslow and/or ken Wilbur it is key that we understand our inner child’s pain and heal.

I have been lucky to heal and to keep working on my very human psychological, emotional and social faults. Because of this I have grown and I have turned my weaknesses into my strengths. But I could not have done this without working on my inner child and having my inner child have an understanding and awareness of acceptance.

Acceptance for me is important because accepting who we are on all levels means that we can start to move more towards the mastery of ourselves and our lives. I believe that if more people accepted themselves and their inner children – That the world would be a very different place.

Until next time,

Count. Daniel John Fogarty @ reallifedevelopment.me on Wednesday the 30th of April 2014.

Synchronicities, Dreams and Virtues… The Finite and Infinite Spiders of Our Mind!

Synchronous events in nature are harmonic. They occur in our lives to teach us a less than serious attitude to life can cause us to win what is called in games theory a finite and infinite games. Games theory is the study of how human behaviors in nature, psychology, sociology and in math affect human life on the planet earth.

Finite games are games with are played until the end and are finished. Classified on sociological and psychological dramas, they have a clear result at their finish. Life and death for humans are finite but the possibilities for sexual reproduction are infinitive as long as the human race last. Thus infinite games are games which can be played over and over again. They have no end in sight nor beginning in knowing… These games just are and they are because they exist, the way each of us exist and act out the duration of our lives towards a finite ending.

The ending of synchronicity cannot occur. Synchronicity is an infinite game in the human universe because it’s a series of coincidental patters which cause us to change into something else and then something else again time after time. Like dreams and perhaps the ethology of human virtues synchronous events in human nature occur because the human brain can comprehend a more advanced and cohesive pattern occurring time and time again in the universe by universal cognitive patterns.

Such patterns were known to many non-abrahamic cultures around the planet who in their sense of human ethics, understood universal symbols as the archetype to the collective unconscious of the human soul. Such archetypes as collective cognitive patterns have shown up in the Nazca Lines in Peru and also in cultures such as the Celts who drew stone horses on meridian, dragon and ley lines.

One such symbol has been the spider, who at least in Hopi and more exotic Indian and moorish cultures represented aspects of human-female sexuality. The black widow spider for instance who eats it’s mate after sexual ritual. Of course, this archetype can also be representative of Timothy Leary’s 8 circuit model. Eight legs of Isis reaching out into the archetypal stars and stratosphere of the human mind.

Each leg is a comprehension of human sexuality and human energy (Reich’s Orgone) activating geometrical and brain meridian patterns and ley lines in the heads and hearts of human beings, waiting for the rises and dawn of humanity to take place in the abstract, the infinite game of the synchronous, dream and virtue.

Dream and virtue are interesting in that they are often used in ritual. Ritual in Paleolithic cultures was refined to the shaman-psychologist on a sliding scale into  the present post-modern apparel of sociological and ethnographic fixture. Of course the latter utilizes ritual and ritual Magick, by sympathy and vibration in order to cause change in the conformity of the human will – But alas this is a finite game being played in an infinite game of human energy.

Dreams are a psychic manifestation of this infinite energy. They transfix in the modern world like a sigil, like a worship of a scorpion or a spider as a waking meditation. Psychedelics cause those who explore them to understand a unifier or universal dream which appears to the finite individual to be infinite. Thus we can also contemplate that human sexuality as expressed in human dreams by Freud is a modernist and post-modernist approach to the archetype of the spider and female sexuality as expressed in paleolithic and shamanic cultures.

Thereby we can conclude that while the finite game and it’s finite interpretations have changed, the infinite game of synchronicity continues and contends not in animosity but rather in the values with which we place within it as a ritual code.

Nothing changes, everything is the same…

Count. Daniel John Fogarty @ reallifedevelopment.me on Monday the 28th of April 2014.

Knowing That You Are Capable Part 4 – Controlling and Expressing our Anger.

I have anger management issues, you have anger management issues. We all feel and know that deep inside of us, at many different times in our lives – We have suffered from, enacted and repressed our anger.

Let me give you a personal example!

A few weeks ago I went out to have a few drinks with a few of my younger friends who, had what society would class anger management issues. He was frustrated with his life and had and has had big dreams for himself and he felt that some of his peers around him were letting him down. Being let down is a cause for much anger, especially for those of us who want to dream.

When I listened to my friend talk and tell me of how he felt, he went from being angry to rather sad. After much conversation I realized that anger, particularly in young men is a normal reaction to being held back from what it is that we want. We want to be capable young men who are achieving something for ourselves and putting a title of success next to our name, whilst building up important social circles and relationships around each of us.

But how we expect any of this to happen when we feel that we are being repressed and attacked by a society who fails to understand and better yet know who we really are? After talking with them some more, I told two individuals in particular that as men and as they age – That they would find their anger fade away and if appropriately focused would replace what they feel about the world around them with passion.

This passion comes from feeling both angry but also allowing each of us, especially as men to feel love combine with our anger and transform its destructive outcome to a more constructive one. This new emotion of passion would, I told them help them to drive them to do great things in the world around them. An audio mentor once said this to me and I remember some of his most important words.

Audio mentors!

A few years ago when I was in my early 20’s I started to listen to a Radio Show called Red Ice Radio. It was hosted by a man from Sweden called Henrik Palmgren. One of the popular guests on this radio show especially in the late 2000’s and into the early 2010’s was a man called Michael Tsarion. It was Tsarion who really started to connect all the dots for me and in one of his interviews in the late 2000’s he stated that our anger, especially as anger felt by a man – comes from the anger of our ancestors who having helped us to get to this vital point in human history, feel betrayed that we are not pushing forward in our collective evolution to obtain something greater than what they could have ever dreamed – Knowing the true capabilities of the human spirit.

This anger, the anger of our ancestors which many of us feel is because they through us feel betrayed by each of us giving up and resigning to the monotony of our jobs and having a lack of vision for what it is that each of us truly want for ourselves in our own personal and future children’s destinies.

It is my personal belief that each of us have a destiny and I wrote about this in my book Thoughts Distinctions and Certainties from the year 2012… Even then I could understand that each of us feel angry and that sometimes we need to understand how to best express this anger. I have had to personally go through a great catharsis over the last two years of my life in order to work out who I am as an adult and where I fall with my human adult relationships in society.

This has not been easy for me and at times I have had to let other people in my life down, other times they have let me down – And each time I have felt angry… It wasn’t the act of them letting me down however which hurt me the most, it was rather that I could not come to terms with my anger and or passion when I dealt with others which let me down.

I have had to learn the price for anger!

I have learned the hard way that the price for my anger was wisdom. I have also learned to use and work with my anger in order to slow down and solve some of the more obviously disturbing problems I have had between myself and other people. Solving some o the problems I have had with others has helped me to ease my anger somewhat, but still it remains hidden inside of me at times and comes out to torment me when I am not on top of who I am and managing my emotions as a man. Managing my emotions as a man means that I need to understand the circumstances of my life, what I have done to generate them and how I can at any time which my circumstances become undesirable – Change them.

I am in control of my life, being in control of my life lessens the grip of my anger as a man.

I am in control of my life, being in control of my life lessens the grip of my anger as a man. By dealing with my anger and the anger which is experienced by others is not easy, its hard! Yet it is this very same anger which gets us moving, can help us to become stronger and can give us something which each of us can work for – If it is only channeled into a situation at the most appropriate and carefully crafted time.

Such a channel of anger is discussed in the 2002 film remake of The Count of Monte Cristo. This movie is one off my favorite movies of all time and in this movie there is a scene with James Caviezel who plays the main male lead Edmond Dantes and Dagmara Dominczyk who plays the main female lead Mercedes. This particular scene is where the two characters are arguing about their now embittered past. Dantes has spent over a decade or more in prison and Mercedes has had to marry another man (complicated plot) in order to bear herself and another main male lead character a child. When the two argue and Mercedes confronts Dantes, he says to her “Don’t take away my anger… Don’t take away the only thing I have left after everything else has been taken away from me”.

This line struck me as important – Because it was directly addressing my ability to feel my own anger!

Many of us are living on anger.

I think this above scene with the two characters of Edmond and Mercedes was important, especially when they argue . The statement made by Edmond Dantes is important in that it describes how important it is for us to appropriately control and express our anger. This scene taught me that many of us are just living in order to be angry and are living on anger solely alone. In living on our anger, on living for moments where we can express moments of emotional outbursts – We are truly not living at all.

Many of us are living on anger and it is this anger which is perhaps destroying us on the inside out. This is why I believe as a man, that we should each learn how to control and express our anger in the most appropriate way possible. Censorship has been tried and all that it has done has caused people to have emotional breakdowns or worse yet, to have outbursts which have costed jobs, careers, relationships and similarly important circumstances for each of our lives.

In closing this article, I wanted to state that society thinks anger especially male anger is bad. I do not consider this a useful opinion because anger as I have said throughout this article can be channeled and when mixed with love can become passion. Our love like our anger is an energy, how we use and channel our energies is how we use and channel our emotions. This is especially so with men who in their more mature years, learn to hold their anger at bay and assess a situation for what it is – A test to the strength and maturity of our characters. Character in my bias can only occur when each of us struggle and grow, character can only come through our ability to develop who each of us are.

This to me is a Real Life Development.

Until next time,

Count. Daniel John Fogarty @ reallifedevelopment.me on Thursday the 17th of April 2014.

Knowing That You Are Capable Part 3 – Understanding Guilt.

I have lived with guilt, at some periods of my life for many years.

Prior to starting my development as a man and getting a mentor who has started to help me become more mature in my human relationships, I lived with so much guilt that I am surprised that I have made it this far in my life. I have to say that it has not been an easy struggle to get to where I currently am and that I have had to make a series of personal sacrifices in order to live where I currently live today.

Given this, understanding that some of my sacrifices have caused me to feel some regret and some guilt… I often wonder at times if it was worth doing what I needed to do – In order to get ahead in my life. I have never been a person to cheat or steal from others, neither have I ever intentionally gone out of my way as a man to hurt others feelings.

Yet the hurt and the guilt is there from some of my actions, if only to remind me that I am a very fallible and very delicate human being. No matter how strong willed, loyal and focused I may seem to others. Indeed, the guilt that I do feel is not an easy emotion to describe and neither is its affect on my own and other people who have been stricken by it in their lives.

It is very psychotherapeutic to write about such subjects in a blog article, if not only to help others and also myself… and while I do write and journal my ideas down I think about all the past behaviors I have all at once displayed around others, including women who I considered important at one part of my life and the relationships they once held with me.

I often wonder about my earlier immaturity, the more needy and socially un-calibrated things I have done around others and how this has pushed them away. Often in the opposite direction to where I have wanted to pull them closer to me. But, that is life and in life you either have the opportunity to live and grow or give up, only to stagnate and die.

Tough choices, tough lives! Still the guilt remains…

Still the guilt remains, often times in our lives and continues to haunt us. This ability to be haunted by the guilt’s (as if they are owned) in our lives, can often times be more demeaning than the emotion of the guilt we feel in-itself, because along with the guilt come other secondary emotions. These emotions stir up something primal in each of us and get us to wonder about our place in the universe. Indeed, I can remember at one stage of my life crying myself to sleep. All because I felt guilty and felt despair about who I was and what it was that I wanted for my life. The nights that you spend alone, deserve to be the nights that you spend thinking about what it is exactly that makes you feel guilty!

The nights that you spend thinking about what it is exactly that makes you feel guilty!

From this despair comes the need to desperately want to fix what each of us have done to wrong the others in our lives. This is especially so when each of us have a conscience and know on some level that we have violated another persons emotions, yet were too emotionally immature to know or care at the time because we had not yet had the guilt to teach each of us a lesson. But from these lessons I would learn, how would I learn and I would often think of the people who I hurt in my life and how they had hurt me.

I would often spend hours, just thinking about how I could have changed things and made things different. But that’s the price of guilt, understanding and in this understanding you become a better more informed person so that you do not make the same mistakes a second time. Also guilt, leads to Self Development and Self Drive eventually and this Self Drive had led me into doing a Double Major in Sociology and Psychology at a top Australian University. So, you could say that had I not made many social mistakes and felt guilty about them that I would not have had the ability to change and grow as a human being.

Years ago, before I had any concept of what guilt was and I was a child growing into a Teenager – I was a socially isolated computer nerd. At that time, while I was alone and happy I often wondered about and dreamed about what the people did around me and how they formed complex relationships. I saw everyone put on a nice happy social face around me and look happy with one another. I was very socially naive and I thought that everyone was happy in a relationship and that this is what I needed. It was my dream to meet a few special people in my life and to love, be loved, to be understood, to understand, to care for and be cared for by others. Later I learned about relationship management and how people often times have to work very hard to keep their relationships with others in check in order to know about their capabilities as people and to learn from their past regrets in order to become real men and women.

So many adults today still do not understand why their relationships fail. Worse yet, others give up and continue to lie to themselves that they do not need a relationship to function, further so many adults today do not understand what the discomfort from the feelings of their guilt is trying to tell them. In doing so they sell themselves short – And I should know, I have seen both sides of the coin when it comes to relationships with others and what I have realized is that it is better to be loved by a person who pisses you off and you have to work with in order to have the relationship work – Then to be alone, there is nothing worse than being alone, feeling guilty and having regrets.

Unadulterated freedom as an adult to do what you want, without first understanding why it is that you feel so guilty is not really freedom at all – It’s a singles trap and like many of the traps to the human concept of freedom, there is always a price to be paid.

Freedom always has a price!

Freedom always has a price and I know a man who lives here in Sydney all by himself. He lives in a one bedroom apartment and claims that he is happy being alone, being ‘at peace‘ and regardless of his sexual preferences in his past (this man is gay), he often talks about how he loves to go home and visit his mother and live with her. While I do not personally see a problem with any of this and why should I, I do feel for him – Since I know deep down he is lying to himself. Indeed, while he may act proud, while he may act happy – He is still alone and I know that he misses the connections he had with others in his past – Even though he now feels somewhat guilty about them and wishes things could have been different.

BUT LIFE HAPPENS TO EACH OF US!

But life happens to each of us and what has happened for me, in meeting this person and associating with them in my life – Is to the utmost of my attention a personal warning, one in which I should heed. This warning, to me is one that I should heed because if I do not and if I do not get my act together in my life and write, this is also to say self-develop and grow then any chance of me, personally as Count. Daniel John Fogarty to take control of and responsibility of my life as a leader in my relationships will be limited. Indeed, if I limit myself and remain limited then I may end up like this man in my future – What is worse, I may give myself the opportunity to feel so terrible and bad about my past – That I will convince myself that I can do nothing to change it.

But I don’t believe this and I have listened to all the warnings which were and are given to me in my life, just as you should. Because a warning can come from any emotion, it can come from any person and it can come from any area of your life. This is why you must listen to warnings, because they are also very often tied up with your own capability to understand your own guilt. This is why I believe you must become capable as a man or a women, even if you have not already done so. Becoming capable means that you are able to understand and take responsibility for your own guilt.

The drive and emotion which drives you to become a better person. Because when you start to understand your guilt, you can start to work through it and its meanings – Ultimately allowing you to transcend your guilt and move on with your life. This is why I feel that guilt, like any other emotions which hold you back on your emotional and spiritual developments are, at least in my books designed to be transcended and integrated as healthy emotional experience. Guilt is designed to be transcended because you are transcendent as a human being. Each and everyone of us is and should remain a transcendent light in the darkness, a light which shines ever-outwards around us and into the possibilities of our well lit futures.

As a young man, I spent four years feeling horrible about a relationship which ended for me, only to find out by the end of it that I was neither the relationship nor was I the same person who started it well over five years earlier. Now, in the present I can look at my past pains and my past experiences of guilt and understand why it took me four years to work through and ultimately overcome it. Afterwards I was able to start another relationship with another person at that time in my life and get what I always wanted as a computer nerd and teenager – Someone who could love me and someone who was loyal.

But, that relationship didn’t last either and I spent another amount of time having to learn – Grow up and mature in my life experience! This too was so that I could then, eventually start to invite other people into my life who could heal me. Each and every time I had a relationship which did not work out for me – I had to feel remorse, I had to feel pain and I had to feel guilt. The feeling of this guilt showed me that I was capable, just as you are capable of transcending it.

This for me, is a Real Life Development.

Count. Daniel John Fogarty @ reallifedevelopment.me on Thursday the 17th of April 2014.

What we came from – The year 2000 and Beyond, a Retrospective Analysis from a Gen Y!

What we came from, The year 2000 and beyond…

There was such a huge emotional transition of change that has occurred in the last 10-15 years. Globally we are now starting to understand that we are in the mid 2010’s moving towards the 2020’s. Many of us who were living in the 1990’s *(I was a kid of the 1990’s and a teenager of the year 2000’s) saw around them an amazing change which could be considered no better or no worse than any other era.

Yet we are best to remember if not consider that changes have occurred in each of our emergent and ever-increasingly interconnected global societies. Other than the considerate effects be they pro or con of multiculturalism, natural/man-made climate change, new political movements and the rise of religions there has also been the emergence of new sub-cultures, a third androgynous agenda and of course the more conspiracy laden non-localized paranoid culture. Each of these have been a back-draft to ages past and can reflect, if not genuflect some of the emergent trends we will see in our futures each each of us move and evolve into strange vistas of trans-humanist spaces and off-grid communities.

All things considered, it is perhaps moot to mention that the changes which happened in preceding and recent human eras such as the 1960’s and 1970’s into the 1980’s have also made their voices known and left their marks on a society which is now in a constant state of flux. The flux of change which flung Women’s Liberation, 1st, 2nd and 3rd wave feminism not to mention the privatization and of selling of many essential services has changed society and how we consider the importance of economic and fiscal policy.

Yet the changes continue to happen just as the selling continues to happen as newer and newer markers of endeavor such as the internet, space and more exotic technologies are now starting to open up for each of us – as both public and private global citizens. Such changes demonstrate a continued evolution in all areas of human society and these changes, in particular the social/sociological changes were echoed in the previously above aforementioned eras scholarly authors such as Alvin Toffler in his Future Shock book and also by LSD-brain-change Guru Timothy Leary. It was Leary who speculated in ‘his’ then-current western american culture circa the late 70’s and early 1980’s that there would become an emergent force of many different types of humanity, who coming from a single source would begin to branch away from one another.

Leary and other authors such as Robert Anton Wilson defined these particular men and woman as bio-types. The types of people who would become transhumanist, Hippe ‘on the land’ types, Metropolitian city dwellers, doomsday-occultists, conspiracy theorists with enough ammunition to shut down a government (or mega corporation) and of course the magician-poet post-modernist type – Who in their own way, would learn how to rule their world with their own minds.

But were the minds who wrote about this right in their predictions about where we would be going beyond the year 2000 and into our futures? Yes and No. Like all predictions, we can say after the events of where and when they were made that ideas can become dated with time. Time and change can date anything and rightfully so. Things which were written 30-40 years ago were based upon predictions and trends which were set at that time and at that date. Korzybski called this Indexing in his system of General Semantics and make no mistake – General Semantics borrowed from both mathematics and its ability to use both the dating and timing of something.

Still we have to ask… Were they right?

Were visionaries like Timothy Leary and Alvin Toffler Right?

YES!!! I would have to say so, in most of the things that they said in their works, the only other considerations we need to make is that their predictions failed only where other factors and other solutions to their set problems of analysis of the future became seen. It seems to be an almost constant, in the fluxes of change each of us in our current era of sociological, anthropological and psychological advance that what we predict to come true – Will only ever be considered conditionally true in future eras of human civilization if the current levels of changes in our society remain constant.

In this respect, I have to say Leary’s future analyses of human evolution to be somewhat correct. Indeed, while I am not a transhumanist and I abhor most of what transhumanism represents – I will not deny that a lot of Leary’s ideas of the future and the ideas of people who saw into their futures, from their eras has already or will be very shortly coming true… Bar Space Migration, Intelligence Increase and Life Extension, which Black Budget Programs have been working on for the last 60 years.

While I suspect in these black operations that most of the worlds future and current problems have already been found to have solution – I do not think that any or much of their technology will continue to be released. Further, I think that having come out of the embryonic womb post the year 2012 and the year 2000 millennialism which preceded it, that something greater much greater is about to happen to us socially then what thinkers, philosophers or those in black budgets could ever expect for us or have dreamed.

Many sociologists have called this cusp of change “Post-Modernism” while others have called it the Arrival of the “Third Way” or communitarianism. What I call it, is the arrival of the next evolutionary jump in humanity! The type of jump we could witness occurring say from the 1900’s to the 1950’s and from the 1950’s till now and beyond. What we are doing is that we are entering the next step, a greater step which is perhaps a final phase in our collective evolution (I don’t like Darwin, I am more of a Lamarkian) where we may become an entirely different species than the one we know now currently.

When did this change start to happen?

I reiterate in my thinking that this change started to happen in the early 1990’s and has exponentially accelerated in the 2000’s and into the 2010’s… But we will all have to wait and see what the final result of this is…

This is why I believe you need to continue to read my blog and have a Real Life Development!

Count. Daniel John Fogarty @ reallifedevelopment.me on Monday the 14th of April 2014.

Knowing That You Are Capable Part 2 – Walking Away From Limiting Beliefs In Your Past.

Knowing That You Are Capable Part 2

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Walking Away From Limiting Beliefs In Your Past.

A few weekends ago, I attended a Jamie Mcintyre, 21st Century Academy 3 Day Education For Life Seminar in Sydney Australia. At this seminar, I learned numerous methods to increase my wealth, focus on marketing products in my business and on how I could get wealthy rather quickly in the next few years of my life. Just so long as I plan to work!

At this particular seminar, I was leading a troop of men and women of all ages towards scoring points in our group so that we could win financial packages and prizes which would help us in our every day lives. Most people would consider our results exceptionally unfortunate as the group I helped to manage came last and while each of us did our best as a communal unit to work together we did not get the results that we had wanted.

This radical honesty and understanding however helped each of us to understand that we are men and women and that also we can learn and become better individuals even if we did not quite get the original results that we had wanted. For me, this allowed each of the attendees including myself to get something from the weekend that we had not expected but which was valuable to each of us – Experience.

For me, one of the many experiences and learnings I will take away from that particular weekend seminar was that I needed to walk away from my limiting beliefs that I had about myself in my past. This ability to walk away from my past and let go of limiting beliefs was solidified when I wrote down my desire to overcome the limiting beliefs of my past on a board of plywood and later break it in front of Jamie Mcintyre. Each of us in the room, perhaps 100 people did this and we all got a rush from it.

Regardless of our intents, friendships were made that day and I was approached by another member in the class who later said to me… “Hey, I saw what you had written down… And I had written down the same thing that you had written down too”.

What I and this other person had written down was that we wanted to break the limiting beliefs of our past. We both wanted to walk away and create the sunshine of a better day.

Walking away from limiting beliefs in your past.

Each of us have a past. In this past we were, each of us many different people at many different times. These people are very often different to the people that we are now and we are different to the types of people that they thought we would become. In other words, we each turn out different to the expectations we have of ourselves in our past.

We each turn out different to the expectations we have of ourselves in our past.

Very we turn out different to who we thought we would become in the past and for many of us, these pasts are less than desirable or damaging to our greater sense of self or self-esteem when we each consider what has happened to us. Indeed I have come to conclude that our beliefs are shaped by our pasts but are not exclusively tied to them when we, in the present want to modify our beliefs.

I believe now that all beliefs we had of ourselves in our pasts were at one time valuable, if not useful to us. These beliefs were at times in our past worn like clothes, shoes, pants and yes even underwear. But through the duration and change in time these clothes like our beliefs become more and more faded and worn out.

Sometimes we have to discard our clothes… Sometimes we have to discard our beliefs…

I have thus concluded that sometimes we have to discard our clothes… Sometimes we have to discard our beliefs… and when we do so with each, we also have to take into consideration the beliefs of people around us. People around us may share our beliefs in the case of religious or political institutions, yet at times we may start to move at odds against these institutions and the people who represent them. It is therefore no mistake that because our beliefs change that the shared values of these beliefs limited or otherwise that we once had with others begin to cause our friendships and associations with others to wane.

NLP!

In NLP we consider a belief limiting if it does not serve us any more. In its place we create a new belief or a new series of belief systems so that we are better able to cope as adult men and women in our very dangerous lives and world around us. This is why I believe that you need to sometimes learn how to walk away from your past and in doing so become aware of the present. In the present we also need to be aware that the lives we lead now will soon be in our past and that we are each marching into an almost unknown and impossible future. A future perhaps that we can only dream about.

The artists way…

When I lived in North Sydney in the late 2000’s and worked in a call center, I was in privileged company with a man in his early 30’s who taught to me and gave to me lots of self development materials to read, watch and learn. Life was tough back then, I was still a child in my early 20’s and was struggling to make sense of a real and broken world around me.

I had damaged and limiting beliefs of myself and of people around me. While I have grown since then, I can attribute much of my later and more recent success to my friend who opened me up to a whole new world and was/is a lifesaver to me. At that time my particular friend loaded me up on a mental diet of books upon books. When I mixed this diet of books upon books with weeks upon weeks of information and days of growth upon growth I found that I was devouring information that was enriching my life.

But nothing could prepare me for the book he was to give me called the Artists Way by the author Julia Cameron. The Artists Way taught me how to really assess my life and where I was going with it. At that time I learned to write down my dreams, aspirations, hopes, failures and pains of struggle – All of this going into a journal. Reflecting upon this process now I have found that even back then there were a lot of limiting beliefs that I had about myself and my life which were not serving me.

But like all parts of your Self Development as a human man or woman, it sometimes takes you a few years to really realize the gravity of your life situation, especially if you are starting in your 20’s. Thus it has taken me some years to write this blog post and to realize that I had to work very hard on myself in order to walk away from some if not most of the limiting beliefs I had made for myself, in my life. In doing so I have learned to let go of my past and have learned to walk in the present towards a more constructive future.

This for me is Real Life Development.

This for me is being capable.

Count. Daniel John Fogarty @ reallifedevelopment.me on Saturday the 12th of April 2014.